. : Lynn Fernandes : .

Lynn Fernandes
Tree Coordinator for California (San Bernardino)

Contact Information
Email Me!

Location of Tree
Please contact Lynn.

In Memory of my beloved daughter, Donna.
October 13, 1971 – November 28, 1998

My Story
I hope to be able to help other people who have lost someone to suicide. It has been six years since I lost Donna to suicide. I have come through the worst of it and I understand how devastating it is to deal with. I know that I cannot take away the pain, but I can be a friend and strive to gather other survivors together for fellowship. I learned from experience that being around others who truly understand can be more helpful than anything. Some therapists do not have correct knowledge and friends are not brought up to date on information about suicide. A stigma on suicide is still prevalent. The gathering of other survivors, who also experience through what I call a complicated grief, was most helpful to me.

Donna was 27 years old who left behind four children plus family. Thinking about of how the children no longer have a mother is what hurt me most. I think it is so hard for them to understand and they personalize things to themselves (i.e. If I had been a better child, etc.). I have gone through the tormentive "If onlys," over and over again, but that is pretty much behind me. I felt angry toward God, which took a long time for me to realize. But I have found acceptance of this horrific loss most of the time.

It is so unnatural for a child to die before their parents. Denial and then bargaining with hopes to hear Donna's voice calling out, "Mom" or that I would see her her again. I wished it was me who died—not her.

I would like to try to coordinate the "Memorial Tree of Lights" in a small way to start. I am starting late but I can make it simple with a location for a tree, flyers, punch and cookies, and lights, and a way to place loved ones names on the tree. I think I will make it a one day thing. This is a brief story and reason for the Memory Tree of Lights. I pray that God will guide me to be useful to others. Lynn.