On the morning of April 2, 2008, I received a phone call that started with the proverbial, "Are you sitting down? I'm so sorry to have to tell you this…." I was then told that my older brother, my only sibling, had killed himself. It was his 42nd birthday. Although he'd struggled with depression since his teens, it came as a shock to all of us who knew and loved him. On a day when we should have been celebrating his birth and life, we were all left to grieve the life that he'd seemingly chosen to leave.

As I'm sure most of you who are reading this know, the search for answers and clues can be endless, painful and futile. I've spent countless hours thinking, re-thinking and then pretty much obsessing over what I could have or should have done (and still do sometimes). At this point, however, I feel my time would be much better spent celebrating my brother's life and the gifts he gave us while he was here.
Launching a Memory Tree of Lights in New Jersey is my way of giving my brother a gift and sharing the holiday season with him, and I'd like to help others do the same for their loved ones. My hope is that this tree will serve as a way to heal the hearts of those who were left behind by offering a place where their loved ones' lives are remembered and celebrated during the holiday season. I also hope to raise awareness, for as survivors, many times we're left to pick up the pieces with no one ever mentioning our friend/relative again. Maybe it's due to fear or maybe it's just uncomfortable, but nothing makes it seem more evident to us that our loved one has simply just "disappeared". They were here, they were vibrant, they were loved and they will always be remembered.