As a school psychologist I knew the logistics of suicide: the group most at risk is white, self-driven, successful, males 18 to 24 years of age. This statistic always niggled in the back of my mind, but I just knew my husband and I gave our two boys too much love, direction, stability, and understanding for them to do "that". Nevertheless, I was relieved when both were through college and heading for medical school in the fall.

That summer, my eldest son came home a different man. He was lethargic, agitated, aloof, and could find no pleasure. Where was my admired, witty, endearing and affectionate son? And who was this person? Looking back I realize he had successfully hidden his darkness for at least a year.

Shortly after coming home he unsuccessfully attempted suicide on the roadway. Together he, his dad, and I worked through a lengthy hospital stay, months of slow but steady recuperation, and finally Brandon became an image of his former self. This process took over a year and we mutually breathed a sigh of relief. Then one Friday evening, I came home from work to find Brandon dead in the bedroom where throughout a lifetime I'd held and kissed my eldest boy.

Three mothers, all survivors of their sons' suicides, have bonded together and formed Heartbeat Monroe. HBM is dedicated to easing the hellish pain for survivors and slowing the carnage of self inflicted death. The numbers continue to increase, the torment goes on, but by raising local awareness we hope to assist others and make some sense of our shattered worlds.